So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
