none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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