to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
