Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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