come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i love accidental penises.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
