i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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