Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize