We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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