he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize