Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize