he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
