Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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