Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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