ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
