My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you will always have a special place in my vag
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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