I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
