So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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