just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
