Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
