Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize