I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
