No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
