This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
