i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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