I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
