Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
