It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
