Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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