I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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