Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
