you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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