i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
