I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
