The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
