i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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