so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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