Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
