Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
