fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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