so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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