There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
