I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
