if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
