I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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