needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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