I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
