I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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