Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
