Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
