dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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