dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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