I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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