Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
