The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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