Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
