WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
