its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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