Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
