so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
