Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
