last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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