i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
