"it" just moved
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
