Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
