similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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