You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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