He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
