This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
