You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just fell off a train. Bad.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Too much gin, very little bucket
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
