For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
