you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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