do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize