it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
did you just send me my own nude
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
